Here goes nothing. A little bit of a classic, word vomit, blog post, where I poor all of my current thoughts and feelings onto this page and post it for strangers, family and friends to read. But it's been a while since I just got real with you all, and with myself, and for some reason, you guys love these posts, maybe it's because you feel like you can relate, but for whatever reason, here you are, you're welcome, and thank you for being here.
I have just arrived back from a week long getaway to Sydney - and boy oh boy did I need a holiday. It was the first time in over four months that I have had more than two or three days off in a row, and the first time that I wasn't worrying about uni work, or drama, or gossip, or anything really. I went with four of my closest girlfriends for the Lana Del Rey concert, specifically, but also just to escape to my place of birth, visit my family, and turn two decades old. That's right, I am officially 20 years old. Finally. I feel like I've been 23 for a while now, but hey, the clock says different.
It might sound overly cliche and pretentious to say a week has somehow changed me, that a birthday has somehow changed me. But after chopping my hair off, being gifted a new perfume, finally entering the "best years of my life" and exploring my home town further with my friends, I can officially say I feel somewhat reborn. It was just what I needed. I needed to go to the place where I feel most myself, buy new clothes that I feel most myself in, visit galleries, eat yummy vegan food, go for a swim at the beach. All of these things that make me my happiest. Going to a gig, and let me say it wasn't just any gig, but it was the Queen of emotion, love, tragedy, romance and melancholic music, Lana Del Rey, really flicked a switch in me. I feel like I am finally starting to be my true self. No radical tattoos, name changes, or major outbreaks. Still the same me, but with a little bit more spice. A little less overthinking, a little less worrying, a little more rebellion, a little more wildness, a little less caring and a lot more doing.
A lot more of saying yes. A lot more of doing what makes me feel good, feel content. A little more of what makes me feel more alive, more myself. In my recent post, Sydney Visual Diaries, I posted some of the film pictures I took whilst on my trip. I have really fallen back in love with the idea of disposable photography, the idea that you don't know what photo you've taken, the idea that you can't perfect it, the idea that you only have a certain number of frames to capture, the idea that you have to savour every single one of them. Getting these pictures printed, I felt like I was going back in time. It was like I could barely remember any of them being taken, each a new surprise, bringing back a memory. Looking at some snaps of Bondi Beach, you would think they were taken in the 70s or 80s - the grainy effect, the lack of any identifiable 21st Century-ness.
I've decided that I am going to start a new series on the blog - posting disposable prints every month or so, without locking something totally concrete in. I just want to see how it goes, sharing my memories with you all, and making things a little more personal.
I can't wait to really delve into doing the things I love more, and sharing them all with you. I feel like I go in and out of 'peak' periods here on the blog, sometimes posting lots, and sometimes being silent for a month. It is simply a reflection of my current life, my current emotional wellbeing. And I can tell you, that I am feeling pretty damn good at the moment, so get ready for an influx of content.